Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Once-Valuable Movie Site Lowers Standards Drastically

Ian Powell, Beacon Journal Arts Columnist
February 21, 2007

In an appalling lapse in judgment, the promising movie-oriented Web site The Screengrab has hired a complete cinematic charlatan as a regular contributor. Screengrab, edited by critic/independent filmmaker Bilge Ebiri and launched in May of 2006, had been looking for new critics in order to increase their number of posts.

The announcement sent shock waves throughout the critical community. Eric Lurio, film critic for the Greenwich Village Gazette, publicly stated, “this is an outrage of the highest order. I had been expecting great things from Screengrab and its capable editor, but this is a step in the wrong direction. Little short of Ebiri resurrecting Pauline Kael and hiring her could convince me to start reading Screengrab again.”

Lurio’s sentiments were echoed universally by the other critics interviewed. “A whiz-bang ride of a scandal!” raved one reviewer, who asked to remain anonymous. Earl Dittman, critic for Wireless Magazine, also expressed his displeasure. Dittman, who has devoted his career to the philosophy that if you can’t say anything nice you shouldn’t say anything at all, opted in lieu of words to simply point to the Screengrab site and snicker.

While he has already posted an article about the upcoming Academy Awards, the newly-hired critic’s name has yet to be revealed to the public for health reasons. Simply hearing or reading his name could lead to severe medical problems, particularly among pregnant or nursing women, the elderly, and people suffering from liver disease.

Neither Ebiri nor the unnamed critic could be reached for comment, but a representative for Screengrab’s parent company was reported to say, “come on bud, hiring this dude wasn’t my call. Seriously this guy put DOMINO in his top 10 that year i mean jesus.”

The Screengrab (Scroll down for the post in question)


Steve said...

B'jasus! Congrats, dude!

Paul C. said...

Thanks dude. I'm pretty excited about this new beat myself, not least because it gives me an excuse to write regularly, while feeling like I'm actually getting read by folks outside my normal circle of blog buds. I'm a little worried that I won't have as much to write once the Oscars™ are over, but I've come up with an idea for a weekly column to help me meet my quota.

Besides, I was glad to have the opportunity to post a snarky, semi-pointless fake news article that mostly works as a private joke. So hey, I won't complain.

andyhorbal said...

Cheers! ScreenGrab is a great site!

Jason_Alley said...

A belated congrats dude, that's truly awesome.